Such Confusion

When visiting India you are always warned to `expect the unexpected' so I took on this attitude and was raring to go. However I quickly remembered, as with my previous trip, that the problem with the unexpected is that, because it is just that, you can never prepare as you can never know what it will be. Last time I certainly never expected to end up travelling alone (and loving it) despite being in hospital along the way. This time I didn't expect to not love being alone and that I'd become ill within the first ten days of being here. The last month has definetely had its ups and downs with amazing, extraordinary moments and points where I have thought `what the hell am I doing here and why?' Luckily the latter was mainly induced by a somewhat delirious, ill state when I was stuck in a small room, on a hard bed with no distractions, 300km away from medical attention.

It's not easy to summarise my last month here at Dakshinayan school, but I will make an attempt as I have hardly spoken to anyone on the 'outside world' for a month. I am staying at a primary school in the state of Jharkhand between two villages called Roldih and Burikhura which I'm not able to find on Google Maps and I've had to gain special permission from the police to come here. The school is walled in on an acre of land and Monday to Saturday around seventy five children come from various surrounding villages for three hours of lessons. The school is here as an alternative to the government schools where corruption means that teachers rarely turn up and the quality of teaching is very poor. The school operates in Hindi (a recent transition from English) so that it is in line with other schools therefore unlike last time I am teaching only English.

I arrived at the school severely sleep deprived due to the stream of Bollywood music playing throughout the jittery night bus journey. I was also feeling slightly queasy due to the sugar overload from numerous chais I'd been handed over the course of the early hours. Suddenly it truely dawned on me that I really was in the middle of nowhere alone and discovered that the only other person permanently based here is Sanku, the cook and nursery class' teacher who speaks a little bit of basic English but not enough to have a proper conversation with. I went in knowing that I would arrive alone but had assumed that another volunteer would would come at some point or that the headteacher, the founder of the school, would be here but it turns out that he now has other training work that he does to help fund the running of the school. They have had fewer volunteers this year and are struggling more than usual. As a result there is a local co -ordinator however he too is in and out as he also has a family, a shop and is helping in the local elections. As a result I've spent large amounts of time with someone I barely understand.

Traffic problems on the way to the school

I tried to brush aside any concerns and get on with what I was here for, the teaching and the children. I was thrown in at the deep end with lessons as I had to teach before a proper timetable had been made with me included. On the morning of school I was told what classes I'd have which made it extremely difficult as I wasn't able to prepare. I struggled even with just taking the register as I pronounced everyones Indian names wrong causing great amusement and I then failed to realise that I had ticked the names off on completely the wrong page! But I did what I could and luckily now I have been written into the timetable and can plan my lessons around the textbooks adding in my own exercises and using a bit of artistic liscence.

After a week I began to settle a bit more but still found it incredibly difficult that I couldn't understand what anyone was saying most of the time, despite my attempts to learn some Hindi words. I thought that the visit of the Headteacher for a week would help as his English is brilliant but he informed me that he would not speak to me much as he wanted me to get used to being alone. Now thats tough love for you and not at all what I wanted to hear. So it was at times frustrating when everyone around me chatted in Hindi and I sat there, ocassionally hearing a word I recognised like 'salt' or 'chilli'.

My room (which I couldn't leave when I was sick)

That's when I unfortunately fell ill and caught some sort of flu. You know you're not well when it's 30 degrees outside and you are shivering like mad because you're cold. It turns out that I had a temperature of thirty nine degrees, although here I am told that is nothing! So many thoughts rushed through my head about what would happen, would I have to leave, how alone I was, how far from medical help I was. Minutes dragged and felt like hours as I had no distractions lying in my room recovering for three days only leaving to go to the toilet and to eat. It was not a pleasant ordeal. Luckily I soon recovered and it made everything else seem so much less bad in comparison - I'm so glad that I'm okay again.

Although everyday brings new, unexpected challenges I now have a daily routine and I really enjoy my teaching a great deal. I have my good and bad days as does every teacher as I want my lessons to be as useful as possible but there is sometimes a language barrier that makes it harder than usual to explain things! However I am pleased as I am teaching Class 3 who I taught the last time I was here and I am very proud as their English is excellent. They are very lively and enthusiastic and although I shouldn't have favourites I do and they are it. The children here are very well behaved but the teachers (three 14 year olds who used to go here and the co-ordinator when he is here) are rather strict. So I've been a little more strict than I otherwise might be. I find myself wanting to laugh lots, so quickly turning to face the board to write something.

Radha, teacher of Class One

There was one day when a child mispronounced a word and somehow we all ended up in hysterics. I couldn't control myself so of course that opened the flood gates for the rest of the class to laugh too. Sometimes I also find great amusement in the kids mispronounciation of English words when they are reading. In particular many children with their Indian accents reading about 'sheeeets' and pieeeces' of paper was hilarious and it was hard not to giggle. Although in a similar vain I caused waves of giggles everytime I tried to say the Hindi for green which I eventually found out also sounds like shit. 'Green miss, how do you say green?!'

There are also many things that are very strange and peculiar to me. For instance one time buckets of cow dung appeared outside which I assumed must be for the project's vegetable patch where they grow chillies, carrots, potatoes and cauliflower. An ongoing joke for a few days between myself and Sanku consisted of us both pointing at a bucket and saying 'you face wash, yes?' and laughing. But then I couldn't believe my eyes when the school girls took the dung, added some water, and put their hands straight in and started throwing it all over the classroom floor. Apparently it's a brilliant antiseptic, gives a nice finish and it repels flies so is what all houses around here use.

The girls cleaning the classroom in the traditional Indian way

For those of you worried about me losing weight again, fear not I eat mounds of rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner although not having seen myself properly in a mirror for weeks I cannot be sure. At first I was so sick of rice and had to often force it down which was made even more difficult as I had to use my hands. But now I quite like my rice, daal and vegetables which are slightly different each day. I enjoy it even more knowing that when the experience is over I can go back to eating whatever I like which will be just heaven. My saving grace has been the jar of mango chutney which can always be trusted to bring some extra flavour to the meal. With a number of festivals happening the school is recieving various offerings in the form of very sugary rice based snacks that also help with the calories. I especially admire the way that nothing here is wasted as we occasionally eat even the leaves of potatoe and carrot plants which taste a bit like spinach.

Funnily no matter what I do, I cannot seem to get my feet clean here. Everytime I attempt within two minutes they are covered again in dirt. I try not to let the small mouse droppings on the kitchen shelves and ants in the sugar container disturb me too much, it's best not to think about it! Everytime I wash an item of clothing I wonder whether it's slightly dirtier that it was before I washed it. But at least I 'shower' every day with my bucket of luke warm water.

I admit that I do still sometimes get annoyed by my lack of understanding but am working on letting it not get to me. At the time some things are so confusing and frustrating but looking back are so hilarious. When I first arrived Sanku kept saying either 'shower?' or 'chawall' (hindi for rice) so I didn't know whether I should go off to shower or follow him to go and make rice in the kitchen. Also one time I was promised help at four o'clock from the co-ordinator and I waited and waited confused at why he wasn't there and annoyed he hadn't made the effort when I was awoken the next day at 4am with a call of 'Reneeeeeee, are you ready?' Looking back funny, but at the time a bit maddening.

Sunrise

I can't lie, I miss my family, friends, nice food, a normal conversation, space to roam freely and hugs especially but there is still nowhere I'd rather be at the moment. On balance, I get to watch the sun rise and set everyday, it's sunny, I get time out from busy life, I get to see and do things I otherwise never would plus best of all I get to teach the most enthusiastic children I have ever seen who keep me going (for Kate also I am not a work and its not raining!). I also know that I'll appreciate all the things I have mentioned I miss so much more when I have them again. I look forward to seeing what on earth (good or bad) happens next. As my sister pointed out, the things that go wrong or not as planned often end up being the best stories so I'm sure I will have many a tale to tell.

In search of an STD

One of the first missions I had when arriving in Kolkata, India was to find an STD, commonly know in England as a sexually transmitted disease. Luckily, this is not what I was in search for, in India an STD is a telephone which I needed to contact my parents and the school where I will be staying. Just one of the funny little 'Indianisms' that has made me chuckle over the past few days.

When I say one of the first 'missions', I really was being serious. When you are backpacking around India, the simplest of tasks becomes an intriguing challenge and you can either go with it and accept its going to be complicated, bureaucratic and unnecessarily time consuming or you can really get angry, frustrated and worn out. Being a newcomer I am obviously aiming for the former, but it is incredibly difficult to not let the latter prevail when you are hot, bothered and alone in a completely different place.

Yes in many ways Kolkata is noisy, disgustingly dirty, hot and there are so many people everywhere. However, in contrast to Delhi, the people are incredibly friendly, you are not hounded everywhere you go, there is colour, life and vibrance among the dirt and it is cheap and cheerful. You can get some of the most delicious Indian food here. For instance I had a delicious breakfast yesterday for just 30 Rupees (less than 50p). Ironically it is South Indian style (Poori Sagu), however its is so y

ummy - being able to eat spice for breakfast is one thing I mastered last time (though ask me in a few months and I'll be craving fry ups, cereal and croissants!). Burping out loud after eating also seems to be acceptable so I am sure some of my male friends would like it here.

Not that I have been greatly hungry today, I am leaving to catch the night bus to get to the school (Dakshinayan) where I am volunteering but for some reason I am quite nervous. Perhaps its the fact I am the only volunteer at the school in this rural area (in the district of Jharkhand) leaving literally all of my home comforts behind! This includes electricity, choice of food, the internet, a comfy bed - maybe I am really 'pagel' (crazy in Hindi). Well it is probably slightly true in many ways however I am sure it will all work out and I will be back to singing the schools praises like I did the last time I went. The kids there last time were brilliant and it will be so nice to get some peace within the beautiful surroundings.

Looking back, its been an emotionally charged few days, but there have been some funny times that could only happen in India! On my first day, I had only had about 4 hours of sleep and I arrived at 8am, so I needed to try and stay awake to adapt to the time difference. The Sunflower Guesthouse where I was staying, is quite nice, basic but clean. The first thing to make me laugh was the absurd number of switches that there always seem to be on the walls of the places where you stay. I have tried them all out, yet only three out of about ten, actually seem to do anything. Yet there is still one light in my room, which appears to be off, until it gives a brief flash, about every 10 seconds, which I have failed to work out how to turn off!

I was lucky enough to meet a girl as soon as I arrived who had lived in Delhi working for the French embassay for 6 months. However she turned out to be mycomplete opposite who I ended up hanging around with just until I was a bit more confident. She was nice enough to me, but it turned out she really didn't like backpackers, told anyone that got in her way to 'fuck off' and was really snobby and looked down on a lot of people (e.g 'South Indians are ugly' or 'I hate the way Indian women dress - they have no style!').

Why is she here you ask? I think to schmooze with India's high and mighty upper class. Seriously, if you get in the right circles here then you can be wined and dined for absolutely nothing. Yesterday we went for Chinese (strange I know but I wanted a nice meal before I start eating rice, daal and vegetables three times per day). We were seated next to an Indian man who we got chatting to - he was a software engineer (probably a millionaire) who offered to pay for our meal, with the girl having just said she work

ed for Cartier (no of course she doesn't!). But apparently it is rude to refuse, well fair enough pay for my meal then, I can't complain, but I still think its ridiculous how I can get away with so much just by coming from a Western background. So if you get in the right circles you could probably live very comfortably for free.

Anyway, this girl is very good at knowing her way round which was useful as we literally have walked all over the city which has been really interesting. I have been doing some shopping and visited one of India's famous stores called Fab India, to get some Indian style clothes. I want to blend in whilst I am here and I think that is the best way. Buying the clothes was another exhausting task - not only did it take about an hour of walking around in the mid day heat to find as everyone kept telling us different directions, I felt completely overwhelmed by styles, colours and different patterns of clothing which I had to try and mix and match. I brought a few things but have no idea of how it looks as I don't have an eye for Indian style. For all I know, I may look completely ridiculous! But to be fair, most travellers look ridiculous as you end up wearing things you could not get away with in your own country.

Trying to get a mobile was also difficult but I have managed it (my parents will be so happy!). Whether it works in rural India I have yet to see, fingers crossed. For some reason you have to wait half an hour and then they need to see your passport, visa and proof of address. Then you must provide a photo of yourself, to give the number of where you are staying (they ring it to verify you are there) and of course, you must say who your father/husband is. Although I have to say that Kolkata does seem to be a very forward thinking city, I have even seen Indian girls wearing skirts and shorts. Back to the phone, the 'Make Fake Calls' feature is a bonus I had not expected. According to the manual this can be used 'to stimulate an incoming call when you want to get out of a meeting or unwanted conversation'. I have a feeling I will be making use of that feature.

I had a lovely meal at Mitali's house who is one of the teachers who sometimes works at the school and it was good to meet Siddarth again who is the headteacher and organiser of the project. It was nice to learn more about how the project started and who works there, I am going to go in comletely open minded and willing to learn. I felt very privelleged to get an insight as to what it is like to be in an Indian's home, although I was hoping all the time I wasn't going to make any cultural faux pas that I wasn't aware of. Think I did okay!

I should go now as it has become a bit of a long one. I bid you farewell, Namaste! P.s for some reason my camera is on panoramic (which I will try to change)