Such Confusion

When visiting India you are always warned to `expect the unexpected' so I took on this attitude and was raring to go. However I quickly remembered, as with my previous trip, that the problem with the unexpected is that, because it is just that, you can never prepare as you can never know what it will be. Last time I certainly never expected to end up travelling alone (and loving it) despite being in hospital along the way. This time I didn't expect to not love being alone and that I'd become ill within the first ten days of being here. The last month has definetely had its ups and downs with amazing, extraordinary moments and points where I have thought `what the hell am I doing here and why?' Luckily the latter was mainly induced by a somewhat delirious, ill state when I was stuck in a small room, on a hard bed with no distractions, 300km away from medical attention.

It's not easy to summarise my last month here at Dakshinayan school, but I will make an attempt as I have hardly spoken to anyone on the 'outside world' for a month. I am staying at a primary school in the state of Jharkhand between two villages called Roldih and Burikhura which I'm not able to find on Google Maps and I've had to gain special permission from the police to come here. The school is walled in on an acre of land and Monday to Saturday around seventy five children come from various surrounding villages for three hours of lessons. The school is here as an alternative to the government schools where corruption means that teachers rarely turn up and the quality of teaching is very poor. The school operates in Hindi (a recent transition from English) so that it is in line with other schools therefore unlike last time I am teaching only English.

I arrived at the school severely sleep deprived due to the stream of Bollywood music playing throughout the jittery night bus journey. I was also feeling slightly queasy due to the sugar overload from numerous chais I'd been handed over the course of the early hours. Suddenly it truely dawned on me that I really was in the middle of nowhere alone and discovered that the only other person permanently based here is Sanku, the cook and nursery class' teacher who speaks a little bit of basic English but not enough to have a proper conversation with. I went in knowing that I would arrive alone but had assumed that another volunteer would would come at some point or that the headteacher, the founder of the school, would be here but it turns out that he now has other training work that he does to help fund the running of the school. They have had fewer volunteers this year and are struggling more than usual. As a result there is a local co -ordinator however he too is in and out as he also has a family, a shop and is helping in the local elections. As a result I've spent large amounts of time with someone I barely understand.

Traffic problems on the way to the school

I tried to brush aside any concerns and get on with what I was here for, the teaching and the children. I was thrown in at the deep end with lessons as I had to teach before a proper timetable had been made with me included. On the morning of school I was told what classes I'd have which made it extremely difficult as I wasn't able to prepare. I struggled even with just taking the register as I pronounced everyones Indian names wrong causing great amusement and I then failed to realise that I had ticked the names off on completely the wrong page! But I did what I could and luckily now I have been written into the timetable and can plan my lessons around the textbooks adding in my own exercises and using a bit of artistic liscence.

After a week I began to settle a bit more but still found it incredibly difficult that I couldn't understand what anyone was saying most of the time, despite my attempts to learn some Hindi words. I thought that the visit of the Headteacher for a week would help as his English is brilliant but he informed me that he would not speak to me much as he wanted me to get used to being alone. Now thats tough love for you and not at all what I wanted to hear. So it was at times frustrating when everyone around me chatted in Hindi and I sat there, ocassionally hearing a word I recognised like 'salt' or 'chilli'.

My room (which I couldn't leave when I was sick)

That's when I unfortunately fell ill and caught some sort of flu. You know you're not well when it's 30 degrees outside and you are shivering like mad because you're cold. It turns out that I had a temperature of thirty nine degrees, although here I am told that is nothing! So many thoughts rushed through my head about what would happen, would I have to leave, how alone I was, how far from medical help I was. Minutes dragged and felt like hours as I had no distractions lying in my room recovering for three days only leaving to go to the toilet and to eat. It was not a pleasant ordeal. Luckily I soon recovered and it made everything else seem so much less bad in comparison - I'm so glad that I'm okay again.

Although everyday brings new, unexpected challenges I now have a daily routine and I really enjoy my teaching a great deal. I have my good and bad days as does every teacher as I want my lessons to be as useful as possible but there is sometimes a language barrier that makes it harder than usual to explain things! However I am pleased as I am teaching Class 3 who I taught the last time I was here and I am very proud as their English is excellent. They are very lively and enthusiastic and although I shouldn't have favourites I do and they are it. The children here are very well behaved but the teachers (three 14 year olds who used to go here and the co-ordinator when he is here) are rather strict. So I've been a little more strict than I otherwise might be. I find myself wanting to laugh lots, so quickly turning to face the board to write something.

Radha, teacher of Class One

There was one day when a child mispronounced a word and somehow we all ended up in hysterics. I couldn't control myself so of course that opened the flood gates for the rest of the class to laugh too. Sometimes I also find great amusement in the kids mispronounciation of English words when they are reading. In particular many children with their Indian accents reading about 'sheeeets' and pieeeces' of paper was hilarious and it was hard not to giggle. Although in a similar vain I caused waves of giggles everytime I tried to say the Hindi for green which I eventually found out also sounds like shit. 'Green miss, how do you say green?!'

There are also many things that are very strange and peculiar to me. For instance one time buckets of cow dung appeared outside which I assumed must be for the project's vegetable patch where they grow chillies, carrots, potatoes and cauliflower. An ongoing joke for a few days between myself and Sanku consisted of us both pointing at a bucket and saying 'you face wash, yes?' and laughing. But then I couldn't believe my eyes when the school girls took the dung, added some water, and put their hands straight in and started throwing it all over the classroom floor. Apparently it's a brilliant antiseptic, gives a nice finish and it repels flies so is what all houses around here use.

The girls cleaning the classroom in the traditional Indian way

For those of you worried about me losing weight again, fear not I eat mounds of rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner although not having seen myself properly in a mirror for weeks I cannot be sure. At first I was so sick of rice and had to often force it down which was made even more difficult as I had to use my hands. But now I quite like my rice, daal and vegetables which are slightly different each day. I enjoy it even more knowing that when the experience is over I can go back to eating whatever I like which will be just heaven. My saving grace has been the jar of mango chutney which can always be trusted to bring some extra flavour to the meal. With a number of festivals happening the school is recieving various offerings in the form of very sugary rice based snacks that also help with the calories. I especially admire the way that nothing here is wasted as we occasionally eat even the leaves of potatoe and carrot plants which taste a bit like spinach.

Funnily no matter what I do, I cannot seem to get my feet clean here. Everytime I attempt within two minutes they are covered again in dirt. I try not to let the small mouse droppings on the kitchen shelves and ants in the sugar container disturb me too much, it's best not to think about it! Everytime I wash an item of clothing I wonder whether it's slightly dirtier that it was before I washed it. But at least I 'shower' every day with my bucket of luke warm water.

I admit that I do still sometimes get annoyed by my lack of understanding but am working on letting it not get to me. At the time some things are so confusing and frustrating but looking back are so hilarious. When I first arrived Sanku kept saying either 'shower?' or 'chawall' (hindi for rice) so I didn't know whether I should go off to shower or follow him to go and make rice in the kitchen. Also one time I was promised help at four o'clock from the co-ordinator and I waited and waited confused at why he wasn't there and annoyed he hadn't made the effort when I was awoken the next day at 4am with a call of 'Reneeeeeee, are you ready?' Looking back funny, but at the time a bit maddening.

Sunrise

I can't lie, I miss my family, friends, nice food, a normal conversation, space to roam freely and hugs especially but there is still nowhere I'd rather be at the moment. On balance, I get to watch the sun rise and set everyday, it's sunny, I get time out from busy life, I get to see and do things I otherwise never would plus best of all I get to teach the most enthusiastic children I have ever seen who keep me going (for Kate also I am not a work and its not raining!). I also know that I'll appreciate all the things I have mentioned I miss so much more when I have them again. I look forward to seeing what on earth (good or bad) happens next. As my sister pointed out, the things that go wrong or not as planned often end up being the best stories so I'm sure I will have many a tale to tell.